Joan MacQueen Middle School, Alpine, CA, 1997
The second half of Katie’s PS is one of the more unintentionally self-aware things I’ve ever seen in a yearbook signature.
Don’t worry about it Katie. It’s cool. We’re cool. Cool? Cool.
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Granite Hills High School, El Cajon, CA, 1999
The transition from sentence one to sentence two of this signature is one of the greatest of all time. Like a good speech at a roast, it starts with a pleasant formality and then instantly moves on to an incredibly embarrassing anecdote. The later claims of the book owner’s “smartness” are no doubt used ironically, although we should perhaps consider how low of a bar being smarter than Matt, the bottle-stabbing-attempt witness, is.
Efforts to find Cristina’s signature in the yearbook were unsuccessful.
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Woodside Middle School, Fort Wayne, IN, 1999
Not a sentence goes unused in this signature. We start with a name check of a negative pop culture influence. Then they refer to a teacher in a derogatory manner, before threatening to convince one of their stooges to blow up her house, an act which they are resigned to get caught for, leaving us to wonder why they should even involve Tyler in it in the first place. It ends with a sign off for the ages, “Pimp ya later!” and a classic signature “Dusty Balls”. I wonder how you say Dusty Balls in German.
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Woodside Middle School, Fort Wayne, IN, 1999
One of these things is not like the other (bottom left). Brad must wonder why “Steve” is so cold to him when he sees him on the golf course. Probably thinks it has something to do with this Jeff character he keeps hearing about.
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Thurgood Marshall Middle School, San Diego, CA, 2001
Something tells me Ol’ Bush may not really have a way with words. If you’re going to copy someone’s entry word for word, you may want to at least do it on a different page. Or a different part of the page… Or anywhere but directly underneath the original entry!!
If Bush keeps up this technique throughout his life it could lead to some interesting scenarios. Best Man toasts for example: “Hello everyone. When my sister asked me to be her maid of honor…”
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Saline Middle School, MI, 2006
The submitter wished to emphasize that this was NOT an inside joke that a classmate was referencing for old times sake. Well of course it wasn’t! If you had a grizzled sea captain in your 8th grade class, you probably wouldn’t have had anything to do with him either.
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R.J. Reynolds Senior High School, Winston-Salem, NC 1982
Let’s get one thing out of the way: No good yearbook signature has ever begun with the phrase “Well Bitch”, let alone one where “Bitch” is capitalized and underlined. The fact that the signer, Tom, then proceeds to passive-aggressively suggest that the book owner, Lisa, purchase hard drugs from him in order to give to her father for Father’s Day leads me to just one conclusion: This is the yearbook entry that inspired Tommy Wiseau to create The Room. Perhaps the drugs were purchased from Chris R.? All that’s missing is a “K.I.T.” message from Denny.
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Seaford Harbor Elementary School, Seaford, NY, 1991
From the submitter: “My friend Tom loved to eat, and still does. In particular he loved eating the mozzarella cheese cubes the cafeteria served on spaghetti day. Tom would beg the lunch room ladies to let him go back for extras, it was a self serve bowl of cheese cubes. Anyway, Tom just genuinely enjoyed eating lunch and obviously he hoped that the middle school would continue serving equivalently awesome lunches to the ones he had eaten in elementary school.”
I just imagine the glassy-eyed Tom being handed a yearbook. Looking straight ahead, he hurriedly scrawls a message reflecting his fragile mental state, still shaken from the tearful goodbyes he exchanged with the lunch lady earlier that day.
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Francis Parker High School, San Diego, CA, 2009
Posted without comment.
No actually, I’ll comment: Why in god’s name would you ever write this in someone’s yearbook?!?!
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